Who Owns Your Life Anyway?

Elsa

Elsa was 12 when her parents Wayne and Karen joined a small and exclusive Christian sect called The Remnant Church. They did so on the recommendations of some trusted friends. They had been looking for something deeper to fulfil what they believed were their unmet spiritual needs. After trying a few of the more conventional church options, and not feeling at home, these friends shared with them stories about the dynamism, speaking in tongues and miracle working that the charismatic pastor lead them through with his weekly prayer meetings and healing sessions. So they went along and it all fell into place.

Elsa quickly became a much loved member of the assembly. In doing so she put herself on a trajectory that is not uncommon to our modern world. There is a wide range of spirituality nowadays and individuals often choose to break with tradition and select an alternative pathway. They do this believing they are making an educated free choice, but of course the same is not true for their children. The very young who are unaware of these kind of options will follow their family and assume it is all the natural order. This is true of the wide open world of the major religions, but it is also true in the small world of religious sects and obscure cults.

She went through her adolescence and high school years within the confines of this small Christian sect, and while the teenage years can be a difficult time for some, if they were for Elsa she kept it well hidden. She was good-humoured, selfless, and respectful. She was adored by all, especially the boys who were of a similar age, but she was most loved by the young children to whom she became something of leader. She involved herself enthusiastically in their church day activities. Wayne and Karen could not have felt more certain that their latest move had been a good one.

After a few years, and when she was in her last year of high school, Elsa did start to show a small amount of teenage angst, but no one was too concerned because compared to most other adolescents she was a saint. Then just after she started her first full time job and bought her first car, she announced to her family that she felt that she was gay. Wayne and Karen did not receive this news well. The levels of their shock and horror surprised their extended family, but not their fellow members of The Remnant. For these folk this was about as foreign as it could get! Their beliefs and values were so far down the road to extremism one couldn't travel much further. According to The Remnant being gay was not a choice. It was a clear demonstration that one had been lured and then infected by an evil spirit. This is the reality of the ultra-religious mindset. It is born of a binary view of everything. There is ultimately only good versus evil, or sin versus righteousness. Everything in life is a fight to the death with eternal implications. Concepts like eternal punishment in hell are front and centre, and modern ideas of situational ethics, tolerance and moral flexibility are the great heresies.

Grandma Pattie

Elsa was blessed to have a much loved Grandma and she started to become more than just a bit concerned when she heard the talk among her son and daughter in law's church friends that her granddaughter had possibly been taken control of by a bad spirit. The understanding within The Remnant was that her choice to be gay was so contrary to the truth of the Bible that she had been exposed to over the last five years, there could be no other explanation. Pattie for her part was a church going believer too but she was many stations back along the path to the mainstream and away from fundamentalism. She had strident opinions on very few things. She thought something like homosexuality that she understood was condemned by the Bible could not be as evil as her son's group suggested. Her Elsa was such a beautiful caring young person, there was no way known that she was possessed by anything.

Pattie then did what every God-fearing Grandma would do in these circumstances. To protect her grand daughter from what she feared were becoming some worrying influences, she lied. She said was unwell. She said she'd had a couple of falls. Her doctor thought it might be good if somebody stayed with her for a short while to keep an eye on her, somebody like Elsa? She had no longer terms plans beyond this immediate intervention to get Elsa out of that sphere of influence, but in the short term she thought it would be best for everyone if it happened. Indie who was Elsa's 9 year old sibling was sad that big 'sis' was not going to be around for a while, but she really loved grandma too, and hoped Elsa's presence might be of assistance to her.

Having her around meant Pattie became more convinced that there was no evil infecting Elsa. She was just such a good girl. Pattie even managed to have the occasional chat with her about her recently discovered but problematic sexual orientation. From these talks she gleaned that Elsa was only too aware of her mum and dad's strong disapproval. She was mature enough to understand that they saw her as being a type of infection sent by the devil to tempt her families' resolve. While she struggled with this level condemnation Elsa didn't personally feel separated from God. She knew the presence of a calm spirit which she assumed was God, and she currently had no plans to pursue what she was certain for now were her natural inclinations. The ultra-strict views that her mum and dad have received via their new pastor made her glad that for now she had Pattie to stay with. She felt the need to be out that emotional straight jacket and allowed to breathe her own air for a while. She still believed in Jesus, and felt that He still believed in her

Pattie had overheard many snippets of the talk about evil ramifications. It worried her so much she quietly sort out the advice of her long term parish priest Father Bernie. He had heard rumours about this highly charged and strange little group of “holy rollers', but he knew nothing about the specifics that Pattie shared with him. He asked her to keep him informed but for the time being the best thing she could do was to keep “lying” and make excuses to keep Elsa in the safe confines of her home. She might think of making initial contact with Child Protection even though Elsa was now considered an adult there were little brothers and sisters to consider. Perhaps simply telling them what she had just told him might be appropriate, and at the same time he will make a few discreet inquiries.

Wayne and Karen

During the preceding five years Wayne and Karen had heard story after story, personal testimony upon personal testimony, and all followed by obvious answers to prayer. They heard about people avoiding accidents, solving serious problems, coping with anxiety and depression, and overcoming serious illness while throwing away medications. The one consistent dynamic in these testimonies was that somebody, somewhere prayed. In these stories their God would reliably hear these prayers and then intervene to put things right and reward the faithful. Even little challenges like good parking spaces, getting a green light, locating lost items, all had in them the hand of the Divine guiding, teaching and reinforcing His will. Finding the hand of God overruling normal cause and effect to protect the believer was key, and Wayne and Karen certainly absorbed the mood, the spirit and the pratical implications.

Indie

Several months after Elsa's move to help Pattie her little sister Indie started to be unwell on a regular basis. She started to miss school as her condition continued to get worse. Everybody in The Remnant quietly blamed Elsa for her disruption to the family, and causing Indie's ill feelings. Then she started to get abnormally ill and wanted to sleep all the time. She constantly felt hungry and thirsty. When she complained that she couldn't see properly, alarm bells started to ring and the ambulance was called. After a day and a half in emergency and lots of tests she was moved into the ICU with a diagnosis of type 1 diabetes.

As the weeks turned into months little Indie had to learn some serious things about her life from there on. If she wanted to feel well again and be back home with her much missed family there were things that she had to do. In spite of the pain she had to have several needles every day. She had to be always aware of her blood sugar levels. There were foods that no matter how much she liked them she could not eat. If she was at a party and all the other kids were scoffing cakes and lollies she was not allowed to. There was no choice in any of these difficult issues for a 9 year old. She simply had to obey the rules. Fortunately everybody she knew was in her corner and when she came eventually home from hospital every effort was made to help her have a smooth transition into her new reality.

Elsa and Pattie thought Indie was just plain unlucky. Her genetic inheritance had given her something serious to deal with. The poor little darling was obviously very ill, but it was manageable. Therefore what she needed was love and support. Wayne and Karen on the other hand were a bit more worried. Rumours had quickly started to swirl. It was more than coincidence that Indie's infirmity happened around the time that Elsa had sold her soul to the devil. They did their part to try and insulate Elsa and Pattie from the ugly chatter, but they now had different loyalties. After five years of spiritual gifts and divine providence their perceptions of reality had been conditioned by their environment.

Pastor Ray

Ray turned out to be just as Wayne and Karen's friends had promised. He was smart, eloquent and charismatic. He possessed a level of enthusiasm that they had not encountered at church before. His sermons and Bible studies were a stream of miracle narratives, and all the members were encouraged to share their victorious personal testimonies. God and Jesus were always just over there and they were waiting to give you everything that you could wish for. The only thing stopping this from occurring was your lack of faith. Look at us. We are living a life of so much joy, peace and happiness. Only God Himself could make happen.

In the mind of Ray, and to a lesser extent his pastoral partner and wife Sue, there were forces involved were not obvious to frivolous and carefree observers. Over time, and with prayer and study it became clear to Ray that Wayne and Karen's family were caught up in one of those battles of good versus evil that had ramifications beyond the seen. The chain of events that lead to their current difficulties were very clear. It started with Elsa. For almost five years she had heard the truth on a weekly basis. There were the prayer meetings, healing services and speaking in tongues. Now in spite of all that overwhelming evidence Elsa had chosen to open her heart to the evils of the world. Ray had often wondered about the genuineness of Elsa's desire to “receive” the Holy Spirit through the gift of tongues The forces of darkness had therefore chosen to strike down little Indie and mock the healing that comes from a true faith in God. He shared his troubled mind with Sue who accepted his version of events. They started to plan what needed to be done to eradicate this satanic intrusion.

The bestowing of spiritual gifts were seen by The Remnant as proof of divine favour. Behaviours like speaking in tongues are a verification of God's Spirit, but it is based on a perception of reality that is totally subjective. This is not to say that it's wrong, or that it's right. A member of The Remnant is perfectly free to see angels or demons behind every bush and conduct their life accordingly, just as anyone else is free to not see angels and demons etc. This is where being a child who via parental choices is in a cult becomes another issue. The child has no say in where or how to apply this subjective Spirit based perspective.

Indie's condition did improve after a course of diabetes management. She like her sister Elsa was in possession of a lovely nature and with the help and support of family, especially Pattie and Elsa, she took it all in her stride. She started to spend more time with Pattie and Elsa. This was a good outcome for Wayne and Karen in practical terms because they were currently dealing with new twin brothers named Wayne Junior and Robin, and a three year old Becky. On the other hand this outcome fitted in with the suspicions of both Ray and Sue. Having Indie in their company and away from the shelter of the truth suited whatever plans the devil may have.

Ray had kept his conclusions about the role of the devil in Elsa's coming out between he and Sue initially. He had certainly preached a lot more on the topic of this unseen realm, but he had to admit that he was unsure just how everybody would react when his view of Elsa as an agent of evil was made public. Many of her friends still had contact with her and many still felt she was such a lovely young lady. She was extremely caring with Pattie and now the tough little hero Indie.

Ray's conviction that there was a hidden but sinister link between Elsa and Indie's illness was accepted by Sue, but she questioned Ray on two issues. Firstly how in practical terms do you prove such a thing, and secondly if you can convince the congregation of your fears, what do you do about it?' He agreed that these questions were the central issues. As he contemplated how he could make his group see the seriousness of what was happening he explored a range of different scenarios.

First of all he could just keep doing what is currently being done. Preach about how the Devil works his hardest on those who are the closest to the truth. Remind everyone that God's laws don't change. If something is sin in 2500 Bce it will still be sin 2500 Ce. That might be 5,000 years for us but God does not change. We must pray for and witness to those who think divine precepts have a relativity attached to their application. We must call out sin where it is, and we must believe the promises that God will bless us and put right everything in our lives here and now. We must simply have more trust and faith.

He could conduct a public challenge to Wayne and Karen about Elsa for the devils to come out of her in the name of Jesus. In doing this he would force everyone including her own family to draw a line in the sand. Everyone mouths the platitudes but then they do not do anything to call Elsa to account, or to challenge her to realize her sin is the reason why Indie is now so ill.Themainproblem with this approach wasthat Elsa never came to church any more. To react so overtly and with such a direct confrontation may see this type of activity doing his cause more harm than good. Elsa was still very popular in the church and was missed by everyone. Too associate her church attendance with something so dramatic would be risky.

Ray then had a moment of clarity. He thought he would organize a church retreat and turn it into a prayer and fasting service over several days. Then it could be transformed into a healing session for Indie. They would all pray for her recovery. They would challenge God to make good on His many promises. In this process if Indie wasn't miraculously healed Ray could then use the failure as evidence of a lack of faith and belief by other members in the group. Those who are passively accepting Elsa's choices, and not calling out her sin, are the reason why a miracle is not happening to Indie. This would force attendees at the service to search their hearts and minds with Indie's life hanging in the balance. This would put the heat directly on Wayne and Karen. Sue and Ray's faith was not the problem, and it was about time everybody got back to showing the respect and authority the truth deserved. Everything had become just a little too fluffy and woolly of late. It was time to get back to the good old discipline of the past.

In among all that chatter about what was thought should be done to reassert God's truth, what was best for Indie didn't seem to be canvassed. Maybe it was implicit in the desire to heal her diabetes, or maybe she was coming to be seen as a pawn in a larger struggle that was playing out.

Vicki from Child Protection

“Hello, is that Elsa?”

“Yes.”

“Hello Elsa, I'm Vicki. I'm a child protection officer. I believe you wish to report a child you feel may be at risk, it's your younger sister isn't it?”

“Yes, and I have my grandma with me.”

“Sure, hello grandma.”

“Hi Vicki, I'm Pattie, and yes we're very worried about our Indie.”

“Ok, so give a me very quick summary of your concerns. You go first Elsa. I believe time is critical.......”

“Thank you Vicki,” Elsa replied, “I know this will sound very strange but it's my mum and dad who have Indie right now.”

“That's alright, Elsa please go on. Just because Indie is with her parents doesn't automatically mean she is safe.”

“Yes I know. Look Indie about, I don't know, maybe 6 months ago, she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. You know she is really sick, and she's really tough, and … I don't know, I'll put grandma on, I'm sorry.”

At this point Elsa's heart was about to break through her few ribs from its pounding and she couldn't catch her breath

“That's OK Elsa, I hear your anxiety. Pattie isn't it?”

“Yes it is Pattie, thank you Vicki. I'll cut to the chase. Indie is a type 1 diabetic, you know, daily needles, insulin etc. Her mum and dad are part of this, well what I think is an extreme little religious sect. Indie has been here with Elsa and I for the last month because Wayne and Karen were so busy with their new twins. But we've been hearing whispers that Elsa has somehow caused the devil to infect herself and now Indie. They are talking about a sort of, I don't know, prayer session or something and they re going to ask God to heal her.”

“Do you mean they want to cast devils out of her like she's some old fashioned witch?”

“Well yes, they are well intentioned people. They are all trying to do what they think is what God wants them to do. But this Pastor and his wife, in my opinion, they push it all just that little bit further. He's a really strong personality, and he's a bit too out there for me.”

“So what danger specifically do you think Indie is in?”

“Well Pastor Ray's big thing is trusting in God's power and for him that often means ignoring medical advice. You know faith in medicines means lack of faith in God.”

“Yeah that's right,” interjected a now calmer Elsa. “I've seen him make people stop taking their meds.”

“Oh I see, yes that's very serious especially for a diabetic. And you think this Pastor Ray might put pressure on your mum and dad to stop giving Indie her Insulin?”

“Well, I'll try to be brief, but I really saw all this happen. One of mum's best friends Mary, who actually introduced mum and dad to Ray's church, well her and her husband couldn't have kids. They had tried for about 10 years, they had been on IVF. Then during one of the prayer and healing sessions Ray declared to everyone that Mary had been blessed with a miracle from God and was pregnant. Well anyway, about 5 months later when she clearly wasn't pregnant this Ray said he had received another vision and it had said that there was something in Mary that was blocking God. Of course Mary and her husband were shattered. They were expecting so much. It turned out that they had recently gone back with the IVF and this of course showed lack of faith on their part. You know it was all Mary's fault. Obviously there was a huge falling out and they don't attend anymore. Last time I saw Mary was struggling to move on and she was telling everyone that Ray was a massive hypocrite.”

“Wow Elsa that is really tragic.”

“But then no one called out Ray or Sue to account for that.”

“Yes well Elsa and Pattie there is a possible pattern here, and now you say you're very worried that Indie's treatment will be seen in the same way and that it's continued use is only showing a lack of faith. Is that your concern?”

“Yes, that's it Vicki,” came their reply in perfect unison.

“OK, I have been doing this a long time and I have seen this before, although not very often. As I said speed is of the essence, so when did you last see Indie and how was she?”

“Well they took her home about 3 days ago saying that they all going to a retreat to get away from all the stress, but we suspect that the retreat is going to be one of Ray's prayer and fasting sessions and they wanted Indie with them because Ray promised that if their faith was strong enough Indie could be healed.”

“So where is everyone now?”

“Well that's the problem, we don't know. We've tried to call so many people, but it's like they ignore our number. Ray's brother has this huge house that is used for church, but we've driven past there several times and there's nobody there. We've driven past almost every home with the same result.”

“OK Pattie and Elsa, you have done exactly the right thing in your reporting of this.”

“Yes thank you Vicki. It's very hard because Wayne and Karen are Indie's parents, and you know Wayne is my son, and you never think parents might somehow harm their own.”

“As I have said I have been doing this for a long time, and what you have just said is a myth. People will do incredibly hurtful things to their loved ones. Anyway I must go now and contact the police. I'll be around to see you two in about half an hour and what I want you to do is give me every possible address and phone numbert hat might be where Indie has been taken.

“Yes, and thank you Vicki. Please find our little girl won't you.

Indie's Plea ….

“Mummy please make them stop! It feels so bad. Please mummy give me my needles !

The Arrests

“Wayne Allen Hegarty, I am arresting you for the murder of your daughter Indie Regina Hegarty. You do not have to say anything, but anything you do say........essential medical care was intentionally withheld by you and others over an extended period of time and that lead directly to the victim's death.”

“Karen Harriet Hegarty, I am arresting you for the murder of your daughter......”

“Raymond John Higgins, I am arresting you for the murder....”

“Susan Rachel Higgins, I am arresting you....”

And down the list the police went as they arrested in total ten members of The Remnant for the murder of Indie. This happened after almost a year of lengthy police investigation. All ten were charged, denied bail, and then remanded in custody awaiting trial.

The Remnant Implodes

In the year between Indie's death and these arrests The Remnant church became a ghost town. Most members who weren't part of the inner circle, and hadn't attended the totally misnamed healing session, immediately left the church in disgust. Some walked out to never attend a church again such was their horror. The Remnant was not a large congregation in the first place so the loss of so many was terminal. Ray declared that God's truth would always triumph over adversity like this and maybe His work would be better off without these fair weather believers. In fact Ray's hubris about the whole tragic debacle began to transcend many limits in its range and scope. He started to see that Indie's was actually a sacrifice that would focus the world's attention onto this group. He started to convince himself that it must have been God's will and now everyone just needed enough faith to see what was really happening.

Wayne and Karen were so traumatized by what had occurred that they both seemed to lapse into a dissociative state. They appeared functional but were in reality frozen in a kind of empty hollowness. Sue had been unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant herself when all this came about. The joyous prospect of a miracle cure for someone's very ill child filled her with anticipation. Maybe God could work a similar type of miracle in her. The ensuing death of Indie conflicted so completely with these maternal instincts that her psyche totally collapsed. She became a kind of semi-mute, subservient, bond slave to her husband, and was unable to articulate little of substance from that point on. One member attempted suicide and was taken to a mental heath facility fo a time. The force of Ray's personality had become so dangerous that it seemed to be crushing the life out everybody close to him.

When talk of arrest and possible jail time for those involved started to be heard Ray began to see it in terms of martyrdom for the cause of truth. Indie had now become that pawn in a cosmic drama. Only he could see how the publicity that came from her death was positive and would bring attention to the cause of God's work. To every associate who expressed their grief for Indie's passing he simply replied, “Who owns your life anyway?”

Both Pattie and Elsa for their part were shattered beyond belief. They had not only lost their little sister and grand daughter, the disconnection that they now both felt with that part of their family was complete. Pattie felt she could no longer relate on any level with her son and daughter in law, but she decided that she needed to be tough because the future of Elsa's remaining siblings hung in the balance.

They were going to do everything they could to stop them going into state care. Her plan was to hover about feigning some kind of interest but in reality be waiting for an opportunity to pounce and secret the little ones away so she and Elsa could take responsibility for them. It would then be up to whoever to prove that their welfare would be given greater priority than where they already were, and her immediate feeling was that that would happen over her dead body. She had two things in her favour. Firstly Elsa was as committed to this project as a human could be. The other thing in her favour was that in the shattered residue of The Remnant nobody could rise above the functional level of a robot with a nearly empty battery. Taking away the little ones could happen quite easily, it was just a matter of timing. It would probably take days for anyone to even notice they were missing. The one exception was Ray, but he was never there.

It wasn't long before the deed was done, and with a minimum of fuss. This allowed Pattie in particular to then focus a little more on herself. She had so many questions, so many new doubts, and so many unexplained emotions that to call her totally confused would be the understatement of the year. After months of not sleeping, intermittent crying, and generally feeling rudderless she remembered her chat with the amiable and elderly Father Bernie. She contacted him and he welcomed her courage in admitting that she was struggling.

Father Bernie

In another life Father Bernie probably would have been an in-demand psychologist. He had read a lot and seen even more over his forty-five years of service to his church. His first few encounters with Pattie were fairly conventional discussions on coping with grief. He had known Pattie on and off for many years and while her church attendance was at times a bit irregular he knew her well enough to know she was more than just a “Sunday Believer”. The sessions became more intense over time because of the subject matter involved, and Bernie had to admit he was challenged by some of the questions she had. The issue for Pattie was why there were so many different versions of Christianity? She could not get her head around how a person can open the Bible, read the story of Jesus, become a believer, but then end up watching passively as their own daughter dies.

Who Owns Your Life...

“If God is so wise and He knows everything,” she asked Bernie during one of their sessions, “why couldn't He make it all simple and straightforward? I mean why does there have to be so much confusion? We're all reading from the Bible, surely it it's the truth it shouldn't be that difficult to understand.”

“Well that is a good question Pattie,” Bernie answered, “and given everything you and your family has had to deal with of late it's one that really deserves an answer.”

“Yes, I mean all the people are being very nice to me and Elsa, but you overhear comments sometimes. They are saying that all this just shows is that religion is stupid, or how does God let this happen? I mean this was my son who sat and watched his own daughter and my granddaughter die in pain and fear. It’s all too much, I just feel so lost! I don’t know where to turn.”

“Well Pattie I have to say I have never been a parent. But what you’re describing about how you feel makes perfect sense to me. I would think that there are some things that just defy logical explanation. It’s like there is no description that can account for pure evil, and let’s call a spade a shovel, that’s what you have been confronted with.”

“Evil, and in the name of God too!”

“Yes, that’s a very good point. Ok then, let me try and give a sort of answer. Let me ask you a question, let's go back to when your kids were little. And you’ll have to help me here, because as I just said this is all theoretical for a priest. But did you always protect them, wrap them in cotton wool, and prevent them from suffering anything?”

“Well, that’s what you do to begin with, but as they get a bit bigger you let them suffer a little bit every now and then to help them see that there are consequences, like if they do something silly.”

“Okay, so when they finally grow up to adults you want to understand that there’s always consequences. So do you want them to just be a carbon copy of you and all your values?”

“Well of course you want them to have good values, don’t you? But mostly you want them to be independent while being honest and kind, you know, you know always do the right thing and be good people.”

“That's right, what you ultimately want is for them is that they have a mind of their own.”

“I guess that’s it, yes, be their own person.”

 “A mind of their own based on the values they have experienced growing up.”

'Yes exactly Father.”

“So do you want them to be programmed to do everything the way you want them to? Or would you rather they were free agents who made their own hopefully good decisions?”

“Obviously if they are going to be free agents you hope they're responsible of course, yeah but free.”

“Ok. Now think about this. Is everything here in this world we live in driven by free will or is it programmed?”

“Oh, yes well, I’ve never thought of that ..... but when you stop and think about, I don't know.... it seems a bit of a mix – doesn't it?”

“You're quite right. That’s a very good observation. The natural world of animals and bugs etc is programmed or controlled by instinct.”

“Yes I see that.”

“And other things like trees, volcanoes and rocks are controlled by natural laws. But what about us?”

“Oh yes I see what you’re saying, that's what makes us different to everything else. We can go with the natural laws, but we can also go against them.”

“If you don't like things where you are, you can move to avoid what it is you don't like. But a tree can't do that can it? It has to adapt or die.  God didn't make us like the natural world and in that respect we are very different. That means we have the capacity to make our own choices. Sometimes that's good, and sometimes it's wrong, but that's freedom.”

“But if He’s got the brains to make it like that, then wouldn't it be better, I mean why can’t He you know, also make it where there was no hurt, or no pain, or no suffering, or no little children like Indie needlessly dying?”

“Well that's the real central question isn't it Pattie? Why does there have to be hurt and evil? Is it all worth it? At the end of the day what is the meaning of our freedom?'

“Yes, when you think about those terrible people that my son's tied up with, and what it's all meant for our little girl. The idea of them being free to do horrible things like they did, that's just not fair to anybody. So if that's freedom and it’s so evil, then why did God let that freedom happen?”

“Yes, why does God let anything bad at all happen?”

“Well there's some who deserve it, isn't there? But it seems to be everywhere and it doesn't pick and chose. I mean I can’t get the picture of that beautiful little girl screaming in pain to her evil parents while she slowly dies. I mean they should be made to suffer the same.”

“That would seem fair wouldn’t it?”

There was a few seconds pause as both parties digested the harsh truth of Indie’s death.

“So let's think about the bigger picture for a moment. For a start a Christian believes that this world is not how it was created to be. It's broken and the story of the Bible is about how God is acting to put things right. But that's another issue.”

“What you mean like 'Sin' and Jesus and the Cross and all that stuff?”

"Yes, that's right. And you see, not everybody thinks like that. For many modern minds this kind of bigger picture stuff about Jesus is all pie in the sky. They say that all we can know is what we can see and touch. And when that gets broken down there are atoms and molecules and they make up what we can see and experience. We are just like a grain of sand, or a grasshopper, a leaf, or a drop of water. We are way more complex, but in the end we are all made of the same things. This means that anything that we think or feel is merely a result of these same atoms and molecules interacting with each other. Complex ideas of like “who am I”, or “what am I", or “why am I here at all" are real questions. But they are silly questions. They might make us feel good to try and answer, but they have no basis in reality.”

“Whoa, that's heavy. But I think I understand what you’re saying. It sounds awful and depressing, but if all we are is the stuff we can see and feel then things like our love for our families and that, well we can’t measure that.”

“That’s a very good description Pattie. And this whole science framework, they call it materialism, is in direct conflict with our beliefs and ideas about ourselves. They say our belief that we have this thing called freedom is nothing more than just another chemical reaction in a brain, you know like a butterfly chasing after a specific wing colour.”

“You’re right, I don’t get that at all.”

“Well that's a very normal reaction because what they call 'Scientific Materialism' goes against every kind of understanding that we have traditionally held about ourselves. They say that the universe has no design, no purpose, no evil and no good. We can expect nothing from it but 'blind, pitiless indifference'.”

“Wow, that's heavy too. What is it? Blind….something, oh yes blind, pitiless indifference. No that’s not right. That’s not what it’s all about. That’s stupid. They say my question about who I am is silly, well that answer is ridiculous!”

“Yes and I think your reaction is right for many reasons. Our everyday experience screams at us that this type of thinking is wrong. This goes some way to maybe answering you initial question of why God can't make it more simple. Well maybe He could, but He would have to limit our free will, our ability to question things, or He may even have to take it away altogether and turn us into machines.”

“But can’t he let us be free and still take away all the pain?”

“If he did we'd certainly have no confusion. But then equally there would be no emotion, no love, no compassion, just the emptiness of 'blind, pitiless indifference'. We only seek goodness because our atoms are programmed that way. And we're either programmed by God or by nature, and which is it? They would say, well who cares? And to seek out any answer to that has absolutely no meaning attached to it.”

“So you say that what all the confusion comes from, well then the opposite of that...which is nothing, isn't something we can get our heads around."

“Yes well sort of. We seem to be programmed – not a good choice of words I know – to want something more. It’s very hard to yes to that. We feel that if we do we have to shut something else inside us down.”

“Yes Father, but do you think many people worry about this stuff much any more?”

“I think if you were to walk down our main streets and ask everyone if they thought that the modern churches are doing a good job and do they want to be part of it, only about 10% would answer yes. On the other hand if you were to ask them if they believed in some type of higher power and this power was guiding and directing the universe, about 90% would answer yes. The empty, blind, pitiless universe hasn't got many backers."

"Yes, I would agree with that. So most believe in something greater, but still how does that explain what happened to Indie?"

“Well I ended up with a kind of understanding of all this via an odd source. I read a novel back in my early seminary days. The book was Aldous Huxley's 'Brave New World.' Huxley himself was a very smart man, and he created this story of a tightly controlled future society where everything and everybody was conditioned to keep rules, only think certain ways, have no wants or desires for anything beyond their status. They would question nothing, and everyone would deal with discomfort by taking a free supply of drugs. Life was a stream of easy, pain free, blissed-out and vacant servitude.”

“That sounds very different.”

“Yes but he is very convincing in the way he tells the story. It was all about distracting the minds of humans and filling up their attention spans with whatever was needed to stop them asking questions. But then he introduces an outsider that has grown up in the old world that still existed in some primitive places away from all the order and endless happiness. His name was John, or 'The Savage', and much of the story is the crashing together of John and the new order. Eventually it becomes plain, particularly to John, that in this new controlled but pain free world there is no room for creativity. Towards the end of the book he has an encounter with 'The Controller', or one of the heads of this 'Brave New World', and he points that everyone is so distracted and happy but there's no poetry, art, music or literature, and ultimately no freedom. John then says to 'The Controller' that he doesn't want this safe world of comfort. He wants poetry, art, music, freedom, and goodness and sin. 'The Controller' replies that what John is actually doing is 'claiming the right to be unhappy', and then not to mention getting old, getting syphilis or cancer, being hungry, and experiencing unspeakable pain. He says that a good while ago those in power consciously chose 'machinery, scientific medicine and universal happiness' which are states of mind that are incompatible with ideas of freedom. You see they realised that they had to make a choice between happiness and freedom. They couldn't have both. They chose happiness.”

“Wow, I think I can see that. That’s very well explained Father. Pain free happiness is in the end is not free. It’s a prison. What kind of brilliant mind can write a story like that.”

“Yes, it's really had a life long impact on me. The freedom we know and take for granted is incompatible with the removal of pain and suffering in our imperfect broken world. I know of a vocal critic of religion who says he can't believe in a God who lets children die of cancer, but if the world is just controlled by scientific materialism children will still die of cancer. I'm sure that this person is not about to say, because it is nature that causes it, that makes it ok.”

“Oh no that would be horrible, but us having freedom doesn't make it okay either?”

“Yes of course that is correct.”

“So now God has given us freedom, and that lets really evil people keep on going, and they cause the needless death of a beautiful little girl.”

“Yes, and completely against the laws of God I must say. The sixth commandment is still 'Thou shalt not kill!' Look, I'm a parish priest in a regional town and not a professor of philosophy at one of the world's top universities, but if all you think you'll receive from the universe is nothing, well I think that's precisely what you'll get. So yes, there will be a certain amount of confusion. Freedom is always risky and messy, but in spite of all the intellectual arguing, it's what we've been given, and it's our reality. Ultimately we have a choice to see a universe that was designed and created by God for a purpose, or a universe that is a meaningless void.”

“But she was so little, not old enough to understand, you know. She wouldn't have had a clue about 'pitiless indifference', or what those 'holy Joes' were doing to her?”

“Exactly, and that's why what they did to her was so wrong, and certainly not God's will. She trusted them. All our little ones rely on us to make good choices for them. We can all pray for a miracle to heal her illness. I have often prayed for miracles many times in my role as a priest, but I would never at the same time take away medical treatment. You can take that risk for yourself, but that freedom never gives you the right to decide something like that for someone else, particularly someone so powerless.”

“So their crazy arrogance, like that they were so sure they were God's only true believers, that lead them to think that they could make life and death choices for whoever they wanted.”

“Remember 80 odd years ago a large number of educated, sophisticated people thought it was a good idea to get rid of the Jews in Europe.”

“So my son can read the Bible and let his daughter die. I can read the Bible and never get that message. Elsa comes out as gay and a lot of Christians believe she is going straight to hell.”

“Well Pattie I think that will have to wait for another day.”

Elsa and Her Siblings

In the meantime, and apart from her times with Bernie, Pattie found herself experiencing a new lease on life in the aftermath of Indie's tragedy. Elsa and her new partner Julie now lived in Pattie's house. They settled there together to start the important work of raising Becky and the twins boys while their parents were under arrest. The children were definitely not going into state care. As she anticipated the noise and chaos that would overwhelm her ordered life she started to feel a kind of happy coming back into her broken heart. She said a few prayers of thank you and hoped that Indie was being a good girl up there in Heaven too. She even prayed a thank you that her dangerous son and daughter in law and the totally out of control Ray and Sue would most likely remain in jail for a good while where they could do no more damage.